Jon's Lexicon

JON’S LEXICON

Most of these sayings are from well in the past, when Jon hosted daily sports-talk shows and did a lot more play by play.  But, maybe you’ll get a chuckle or 2…and, hopefully, won’t get too offended!!

1-900-JON-FINE:  Jon’s fictitious 900 number for the ladies.

Triple-Double:  What Jon says he averaged playing H.S. Basketball…if pressed, he will admit that these triple-double stats:  28 points, 14 rebounds and 13 assists, were from lay-up drills prior to the game.

ABC:  Anything But Country, musical preference.

Archie Bunker:  New Orleans Saints and Hornets owner Tom Benson…We believe first used on the air by caller Brandon from New Orleans.

Argaiv:  The drug Jon uses daily….says it helps calm him down…Argaiv, by the way, is Viagra spelled backwards.

Automoatic Chopsticks Wasabi Finesocki:  Name Jon created for himself when a Janapese restaurant was a sponsor in New Orleans.  Has been resurrected, at times, for a sponsor of our Denham Springs sports programming:  Geisha—Sushi With A Flair.

Back Door:  Where sponsors urge Jon to leave their office, usually to avoid his harassing the female help….Used to be the side door.

“Bawww…Where was you raised?  We down South”:  reaction to anyone using a big word or expressing anything that can be perceived as anti-Southern.

Bay Bay O Ja Ron:  The way, back in the day, to properly pronounce LSU Football coach Ed Orgeron’s name…Coach Orgeron gave Jon this lesson in 1991, when Jon interviewed the then University of Miami assistant…then called BeBe Orgeron.

Bullseye:  On play-by-play, a shot that hits nothing but net.  A tribute to childhood idol John Sterling (whose patented call was made on NY/NJ Nets broadcasts).  Sterling is presently the play-by-play announcer of the NY Yankees.

Esther Anderson:  UGLY; Fred Sanford’s sister-in-law Aunt Esther.

Extortion:  1) What the Saints have done to the state of Louisiana to procure annual Welfare for The Rich payments. 2) What Jon does to get area businesses to sponsor Jon Fine Productions programming…the word Bamboozle has also been used.

Family Program:  It is a dysfunctional family…but Jon Fine Productions programming is family programming…or so Jon alleges.

F.B.M.O.A.:  The Future Big Mike’s Of America, an organization Jon says he has founded for high school kids that attended The Dru Nettles (Radio) Show at Big Mike’s Sports Bar and Grill.

General Studies:  What every LSU football player majors in…was Kinesiology back in the day.

George Sham:   Former New Orleans Hornets owner George Shinn.

“Have a good day (evening), everyone”:  Standard closing that Jon uses on play-by-play and as a former sports-talk host…the way legendary NY sports talk host John Sterling used to close his show, back in the day, on WMCA Radio-NY…another tribute to Jon’s childhood idol.

HIPPA Laws:  Whenever LSU doesn’t want to release info on an injured player, they cite the HIPPA laws.  Jon cites these laws, quite often, as the excuse for not answering the caller’s question.  In actuality, Jon doesn’t know the answer to the question posed.

“How’s The Wife & Family”:  Said by Jon to his color commentators in the waning moments of a close ball game…yet another tribute to John Sterling, who would say this back in the day on NY/NY Nets broadcasts.

Is So:  Jon says it’s his middle name, given to him by Louisiana women.

Jon Fine Sports Productions motto:  “Remember, sports are not life or death…They’re far more important”:  stolen or amended from someone, not sure who.

Lesbian:  Any single woman that turns down Jon on a date request…Jon concludes there could be no other plausible explanation.  (Editor’s note:  Replace Lesbian with Smart.)

Lunatics:  Not all, but many, if not most, stand-alone A.M. Radio station owners.  Jon has had his share of dealings with such….and probably has elevated cortisol levels as a result.

Mamou, Louisiana:  Jon says it is his home town.  If pressed, he will admit it is a suburb (1700 miles southwest) of Valley Stream, NY, where Jon was raised.

Moooooohstafa Vuvuzela Baba-Ganoosh:  When trying to avoid detection from certain people (often creditors), Jon assumes this name.

Pamela Lee Anderson:  A big bust in sports context…EG, Ryan Leaf is a Pamela Lee Anderson…used to be knows as a Dolly Parton.

Propaganda:  Any printed material promoting Jon Fine Productions programming.

Southern Bias:  Jon’s sarcastic explanation, at times, for when LSU or the SEC has been perceived by a caller to have been dissed.

SportsGumbo One:  Jon’s car’s former name.  Coined by the late Baton Rouge sports-talk host Bryan Rushing.

Tailback:  What Jon used to play in both Basketball and Baseball…whenever he got up to go in the game, the coach would say: “Fine, get your tail back on the bench”.

True Sports:  Football, Basketball, Baseball and any sport directly related to a current sponsor!

UCLA:  Where Jon says he was an All-American in college basketball…Jon then transferred to Ohio State, where he had an All-American career in college football.  This, of course, all preceded Jon’s All-star career with the New York Yankees…All of this usually comes up when a caller questions Jon’s right to comment about sports when he never played college or professional sports.

Unemployed:  everyone affiliated with his call-in show (except sponsors!):  callers, listeners and, most accurately, Jon.

“Why Don’t You Shut Up?”:  when Jon doesn’t have a response to a good insult a broadcasting partner or a caller has leveled against him…stolen from either Archie Bunker (Carroll O’Connor, not Tom Benson) or Fred G. Sanford.